im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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