Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
