I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
