in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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