Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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