I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
