I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
