So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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