grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
