you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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