last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
