I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
