Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
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I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
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He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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