i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
No subtext here. People are naked.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
