did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
