I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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