That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
