How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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