you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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