This house was built for laser tag.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
