I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
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I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
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I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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