she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
