reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
