She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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