he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
