Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
