you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
