So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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