Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
