Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
