When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
