wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
what is it with giant penises always finding me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
