So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
