ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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