I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
