I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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