I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
