You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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