Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
