My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
that may or may not have been my penis.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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