so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
