True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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