If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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