He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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