Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need water and some morals
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize