quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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