i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
