So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just found puke in my bra..
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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