CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
