I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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