the new term for farting is butt boxing.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
