small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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