he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
