so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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