then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
