Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
