I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
