I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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