would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
