Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
