About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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