They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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