his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
