Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
