hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
