Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
