dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
