I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
3pm strippers are depressing
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
