Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
