So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
