she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My penis needs a shock collar
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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