That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
