just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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