Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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