I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize