a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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