Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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