I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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