Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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