pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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