I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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