so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
