the condom got lost in my hair
i think i have herpe
just one?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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